The Surreal Anime Life
by LLSmoothJ
Summary: What happens when you place different Anime characters from different Anime shows under one roof?  What happens when they stop being polite and start being real? Based on VH1's The Surreal Life.


This story is based on the then-WB-now-VH1 reality TV show The Surreal Life! For those of you who don't know about the Surreal Life, it's a reality TV show about six, sometimes seven, celebrities who used to be (or still are) big, famous, or infamous, who are no longer as popular as they once were. An example of this is Dave Coulier from Full House or the Villain of Reality TV, Omarosa. But in this case, the characters who will be featured in this story would be characters from Anime series that have ended (Or at least no longer having any appearances on said series).

* * *

Ten Days…

Six Anime Characters from Six Anime shows…

One house…

What will happen when these three elements are mixed into one elixir?

**DayI**: The Sixty Billion Double-Dollar Castmate

Outside of a very-familiar mansion a red classic Cadillac could be seen driving up to the mansion. After the car reached its destination, the engine stopped as the door opened. Lupin III stepped out of his car as he took a quick look around.

"Hmm… nice digs!" He mused to himself. He was the first one here so obviously when it came to the rooms, he'll treat himself to the master bedroom. As for his other housemates, they could fight it out for the other rooms for all he care. As the notorious international thief made his way inside of the mansion, carrying his suitcase, Lupin takes a look around the house. There was plenty of artwork around the house as well as a statue of a very-familiar dragon… There's one particular artwork that caught his attention. It was a multi-colored checkered painting, but only across the rows it contained the portraits of others. On the third row, he saw his handsome mug, containing his trademark smile. He also noticed a few more portraits. In the row above was of a humanoid pig, the other was of a blonde-haired, violet-eyed girl. And in the first row, the portraits were covered by a blue velvet curtain. Apparently there was a mystery guest…

Lupin grinned. Originally he signed up for this show because he felt he needed a vacation from the life of a "Gentleman Thief," and Inspector Zenigata chasing him down. He didn't even know how things were going to turn out. Of course his housemates were going to be sleeping with their valuables in their arms and doors locked. He may be a nice guy, but he was still a thief, after all. But there was something about this mansion that was familiar to him. Didn't it belong to a famous tycoon or something? And now, there was a mystery hidden under the blue veil. What was a Gentleman Thief to do?

He took a look at the veil. Of course it was more than a few feet up so he would have to stack a few things to take a sneak peek at the little mystery. Speaking of little, one of his housemates had arrived.

Stepping out of his small car, Oolong sighed. A lot of things have been happening in lately with new enemies showing up to destroy the world. And knowing Goku, Vegeta, and the rest of the Z Fighters, you can expect lots of destruction when they take on the enemies. So signing up for the Surreal Life was the perfect way to avoid getting killed or even getting into danger. It seemed ever since he met Goku he's been getting into a lot more dangerous situations. So this experience would definitely be a nice change of pace.

He looked up at the mansion. It was pretty big. Hopefully they'll have pretty big bedrooms with their own king size beds. And most importantly, there were some hot girls there.

As the humanoid pig walked inside, he did manage to hear the sound of a man groaning out of frustration. "Wonder what's up?" He said to himself as he rushed into the main room as he saw a tall man stacking a few chairs on top of each other, a bit unsuccessfully. "Hey pal, ya need some help?"

Lupin turned around, as he was shocked. "Huh? A talking pig? Am I seeing things?" He asked himself as lost track at what he was doing as the tower of chairs managed to fall down. "Crap!"

"What's wrong, never seen a talking pig before?" Oolong dryly replied.

"Well yeah, I mean it's not everyday you get to see an animal walking on its hind legs, let alone a talking one! I've might have seen a few things throughout my infamous career but this isn't one of them." Lupin admitted.

"Well savior this moment, and you can tell your friends about it, alright! Anyway, the name's Oolong!"

"Lupin III's the name, and breaking in and stealing's my game!" The gentleman thief introduced himself. "So, assuming you're here for 10 days for the same reason as I am, do you have any idea who these people are?"

Oolong took a look at the portraits, "I don't know the rest of the people. But the blonde above's really a babe. As for the blonde on the bottom, I do believe I've seen her before." He said, pointing to a portrait of a certain blonde with a meatballish hairstyle. Speaking of whom…

As the yellow taxi cab left, Serena walked towards her house. It was perfect: She would basically be on vacation by staying at this mansion for 10 days. Meaning that she wouldn't have to worry about homework, house chores, or any of her responsibilities for about two weeks! Of course she wouldn't be alone, as she would be sharing the house with five other people. Hopefully they would all be nice people and not bitches or complete weirdoes! And hopefully there won't be any trouble while she was away, and even if they were, the other Sailor Scouts could handle things.

As the blonde walks inside of the house, carrying her suitcase, she takes a look at the mansion. To say that she was stoked would be an understatement. The best thing to describe her emotions right now would be of a crazed fan girl. Here she was, a high school student, getting the chance of a lifetime to live in a mansion for 10 days. All of her friends would be so jealous! As Serena continued to explore the house, two voices gained her attention.

"Crap, what's with this veil?"

"I dunno, it's like it's made of like, hard plastic or something."

"Can't ya turn into a pair of super thick scissors or something?"

"It's no good! I flunked at the shape shifting school and I'm not that really good when it comes to handling pressure anyway. Besides, it's only five minutes, then poof!"

Serena rushed over to the source as she soon saw a lanky man and a short humanoid pig stacking chairs and a few counter tops, all to see something that was under the tightly placed veil. She could've sworn that she had seen the man before. The pig, on the other hand, she knew nothing about. "Umm…"

Lupin tried to pull the curtain once more, but again it hardly moved a centimeter. What kind of veil was this to be so tightly on? Was it bolted down or something? Apparently even the veil itself was screwed in, otherwise he could've just flipped it up! The curly-haired thief then smiled, as if he had gained an idea, as he saw a few screwed on ends of the veil…

"Hmm… Oolong, if you could turn into a screwdriver, I could get rid of the screws and we could finally see whose mug is the secret portrait underneath."

"Lupin, you know that we're just gonna have to move the pile to reach the other two at the other end. Even so, remember that I only have five minutes, then poof!"

"Grr…What kind of shape shifter is only limited to five minutes anyway?"

"Hey, shape shifting isn't as easy as it looks y'know!"

"Guys…" Serena called towards them, but they ignored her.

"Well don't you have any tools? I mean, for a master thief like you, you should have brought some with ya! Isn't that right, Lupin the Third?" Oolong reminded smugly.

"Hey, I thought this whole experience was a vacation, I didn't expect to have to be on the job too!"

"Guys!"

Both men turned around to see a teenage blonde girl glaring at them. "Took you guys long enough!"

"Hey, check out the girl with the meatballs." Oolong remarked about the newcomer's hairstyle.

"That is so old…" Serena rolled her eyes, "So what's the big deal with this Deux Ex Machina-like Veil anyway!"

"You see Little Lady, on this wall contains the portraits of everyone who's going to be staying in this mansion for the next 10 days." Lupin proceeded to explain. "As you can see, my handsome looks, and Pig Boy's picture are on the wall, and from the looks of things yours is up there, too. From what we see so far, we're going to have two more women show up. But apparently there's a mystery guest whose picture for some unknown reason is hidden under this blasted veil."

Oolong added, "We just wanna see whose mug is under there. And the best possible option is to unscrew whatever's holding that veil up so we can see the picture."

Serena nodded, "Well, I'm not sure about our mystery guest. But I know from the pictures that she's a duelist and that girl on the bottom is an EVA pilot."

"A duelist? I've heard of them before, think." Lupin stroked his chin. "But an EVA pilot on the other hand…"

"Yeah, what the heck is one of those?" Oolong added. "Doesn't sound like a normal fighter pilot, that's for sure…"

"I'm just interested in the hot babe." Lupin stated with a grin. "She's the only one who actually appears to be an adult. Me like!" Lupin's response was ironic because at that moment, the fourth guest had arrived and it was indeed the woman who he was crushing on…

As she watched the valet drive away her blue convertible car, Mai Valentine hoped that he wouldn't scratch her car. Her concern for her car aside, she felt that she could use a bit of a vacation after what she's been through, or rather what she had done to her friends? And why? Just because she felt weak, alone, powerless! They used all of her fears and ambitions just to get her to join them on their evil plan for world domination. She couldn't face them, not after what she'd done. At least not yet…

So why did she agreed to this? At least it would take her mind off of it for a while. They did say that she'd be staying in a mansion, so she should savior this opportunity. She didn't know how she would interact with the people who were living there, but she was in no mood to deal with anyone who would mess with her, especially perverts. She had more than enough dealings with them for two lifetimes.

As Mai walked inside of the house, she could've sworn that this mansion looked familiar. "Odd… this mansion's exactly the way Kaiba would have it, knowing him." She mused to herself as she saw various artworks depicting of Blue Eyes White Dragon through the halls. Little did she know that this was indeed the mansion of Seto Kaiba (Let's hope that he doesn't come back in the next 10 days.).

Mai manage to hear some bickering coming from apparently the main room. Apparently her new housemates for the next ten days. She decided to get a closer look. And much to her expectations, there they were: A man, a teenaged girl, and a humanoid pig were stacking chairs and table tops for some reason while a red toolbox was nearby. The blonde mused at the pig carrying the toolbox over towards the pile. She knew that men could really be pigs, but this was ridiculous. Otherwise, Mai was not at the least bit shocked at what she saw, because when she walked inside of the mansion, she expected the people she would be sharing this house with to be complete morons.

Mai decided to ignore the three housemates for now, as there were more important things to worry about. For instance, making sure that the room she would be staying in was the best one of all. As she went up stairs, she made a vow to herself. If she were touched without her consent for more than a freaking handshake, she wouldn't slap them. No, it would be too good for them. She wouldn't even kick them between the legs: For one thing, as much as she'd probably be doing the world a favor, even that would be too good for the bastard. Could you say "Slow Castration with a butter knife?" And somehow, she had a feeling that her target for this kind of "treatment" would be the pig, for some reason.

Now upstairs, Mai decided to tour the hallway that was basically where the rooms were going to be. As she opened the door to each of the rooms, she found that most of them contained queen-sized beds, were moderately sized, and contained their own dresser and closet. If she were correct, the master bedroom would contain its own bathroom. Of course Mai would want that. Having her own shower as opposed to sharing one with five other people. She sure hated to be one of those morons fighting in the morning just to use the toilet. She sighed. It was times like this that made her glad that she didn't have a brother or sister. Then again, a brother or a sister would've made her feel less lonely.

"Are you sure it's going to work?" A skeptical Oolong asked as Serena climbed on top of the stack, screwdriver in hand. Lupin climbed up on another stack, this one being consisted of a couch and Oolong's, Serena's, and his suitcases. Luckily it didn't contain anything that could be squished or smashed to bits.

"It's simple!" Serena explained. "Me and Mr. Lupin are at each side of the veil so we can both work on unscrewing whatever it is that's holding up the veil!"

"This plan is basically full-proof." Lupin added, "There are two different types of screwdrivers and we each have one of them. If one of them doesn't work and the other does, we could pull a quick switch."

"But what if they both don't work?" Oolong asked. "I mean, I've already turned into a huge ape and knowing how strong they are, I should've yanked the damn thing off its hinges already. I think there's some kinda magic going on."

"I'll have to agree…" Lupin placed the screwdriver in. It appeared to be a perfect fit as he proceeded to unscrew. However, despite the movement of the screw, there wasn't much unscrewing being done. "Huh?" Lupin examined the screw as he tried to unscrew it, but again, it may have moved but it didn't unscrew. "Damn it, what's with this thing?" Once more, but still the same result… "Okay, now they're just messing with us."

"The same thing is happening to me, too!" Serena asked, also having the same difficulty. She was thinking about changing into Sailor Moon and destroying the veil herself, but seeing as their previous efforts, let alone efforts that should have done the trick already, had not worked perhaps even that would be futile. Besides, it was called a "secret identity" for a reason…

Oolong could only watch as his two housemates tried to undo the screws that held up the veil. This was becoming to the point where it was just ridiculous for the veil to still be up by now. He would've thought that it would've at least had a slight tear or at least some indication that their hard work was at least not in vain. At least there was a bright side to this: The view under Serena's blue pleated skirt was nice. White does represent innocence while in other cultures it represents death. Good thing that she was too busy with the screws to notice him peeking, or like everyone else for that matter, that the fifth guest had arrived…

Angry blue eyes narrowed (No, they're not Kaiba's…at least not yet.) as their owner let out a sigh. She definitely did not want to be here right now, especially when she didn't knew what kind of idiots and morons could be possibly staying here in the same place as she was! Just when the powers that be at NERV finally let her have a vacation, it has to be to this place. She sighed, she supposed that it was better than nothing. At least she could have around two weeks off from school and be away from _them_.

As she entered the Kaiba Mansion (Unknown to her of course.), she was amazed with the interior. True, she had never been inside of a mansion before, much less lived in one. But she felt that she could get used to living here for the next 10 days, provided that her housemates didn't annoy or even bother her. However, from what she was hearing! Unfortunately she was going to have to deal with those kinds of people.

Once she had entered the main room, she was both shocked and appalled at what she was seeing. On one end was a teenage girl who couldn't be much older than her. The other end was a tall, lanky man. And in the middle was apparently a large Gorilla. Apparently they were pulling on some veil that covered a portion of the wall filled with portrait of what supposed to be of her and her housemates for the next 10 days.

"Come on guys, we just have to pull harder!" Serena said as Lupin groaned out of frustration.

"I'm pulling as hard as I can! Why won't this damn thing at least budge?" He shouted.

"I'm nearly maxed out and I'm not even seeing this thing bend slightly!" The gorilla grunted as the red-haired girl rolled her eyes. _These_ were whom she was going to live with for the next 10 days? She shook her head. She wanted out of here and she wanted out now. As she turned away from her, she nearly bumped into a blonde woman who was dressed in only a tank top and cutoff shorts. "Excuse me…" She said quite rudely.

Mai raised an eyebrow at the redhead's response. "Excuse me, quite the attitude you have there." She replied in a scolding tone.

"Yeah so what, I'm outta here anyway!" She replied as she proceeded to leave, but Mai grabbed her arm.

"What's your problem, little girl?" She hissed. "Haven't you ever heard of respecting your elders?"

"I'm not a little girl!" She replied. "My name is Asuka Langley Soryu thank you very much, _Old Lady_!"

Mai glared as her free hand balled up to a fist. One of the worst things anyone could say to a woman was to call her old and Mai was no exception. "Why you little brat, I'm not that older than you! I'm only 24."

Asuka scoffed, "Yeah right! A ten-year age difference is not that much." She said sarcastically, as purple and blue eyes glared towards each other. The tension between the two girls was so thick you could cut it with a knife. However…

"Say girls…"

"WHAT?" Mai and Asuka both snapped towards the source of the voice as Lupin, still holding onto the veil as he looked at the girls. When he saw Mai, Lupin almost lost grip as he lost himself from staring at the busty blonde.

"Oh man…" He managed to mutter. "I think I'm in love…"

"Oh vey, not again…" Mai sighed. It hasn't even been a day yet and she's already got one pervert ready to make a move on her.

"Lupin! Focus here!" Serena called out, feeling her grip loosening form the veil as Asuka blinked.

"Lupin? As in the notorious thief Lupin III?" She said in shock and disbelief. "YOU MEAN TO TELL ME THAT I'M SHARING A HOUSE WITH A THEIF?"

"And a pig…" Mai added as she then looked around. "Speaking of which, where is he anyway?"

"Oh he's here." Serena replied. "He just turned into a gorilla in hopes of pulling this veil down."

"Why _are_ you three trying to pull this veil down in the first place?" Asuka asked with an annoyed look on her face.

"Simple, from the painted portraits on this wall, there's six of us staying here, but only five portraits – being ours – are shown. The sixth one on top is covered by a veil! So we wanted to see who's the lucky – or unlucky, depending on how you'd want to look at it – person whom we're sharing the house with." Lupin said as he continued to try pulling the blasted veil. "As you can see…" He grunted between pulls, "No matter what we try… We… Can't even… Bend the damn thing."

"Damn, it's been five minutes…" The gorilla grunted as within a single poof, he transformed back into the pig his roommates will soon come to know as he lost his grip before falling down to the floor.

"There's the pig…" Mai pointed to the crashed housemate.

"This is getting ridiculous…" Asuka began to rant. "First I find out that I'm sharing a house with a thief who'll more than likely steal my belongings, and now I find that I have a housemate who's a real pig –literally!" She turned around as she shook her head before beginning to walk away. "I… gotta get some air!"

At this point, Lupin had finally snapped. "GOD, WHAT'S WITH THIS VEIL?" He screamed. "I MEAN, WHAT'S THE PASSWORD TO THIS THING, 'OPEN SESAME?'" Then, as if it was on cue, the screws, along with the veil most importantly, began to vanish somehow. Before Lupin and Serena, both who were pulling on it as hard as they possibly could, have the chance to jump down…

"Uh oh…" Serena frightfully said…

"Crap!" Lupin outburst as they both soon found themselves crashing onto a hard, one-way trip to marble floor.

"Ow…."

"Ugh…" Lupin shook his head, at least the veil was now gone so now they could see who the hell is this mystery person they've been busting their ass to see for the past few hours…

"This is stupid…" Asuka muttered to herself as she walked to the door that would lead her outside. She felt that she ought to go home right now and forget that this thing ever happened. But when she signed the contract, she was obligated to stay at the house for the full 10 days or she would not receive payment. With a sigh, Asuka felt that she could at least get some air before she would have to deal with them. She was already starting to hate her housemates. Lupin basically made her lock the door to her room every night for obvious reasons besides him being a pervert. Oolong or whatever his name was could be a problem with his ability to change form, especially when he could peek in on her when she was changing or, ugh, was in the shower without even knowing. Mai had already disrespected her and Serena was basically a ditz. And she could care less what the sixth housemate was like at this point, as she was quite sick of them already.

As the blue-eyed redhead opened the door, she found a magazine near the door. As she kneeled down and picked up the magazine, within sight of the front page, she scoffed. "I guess we know who the mystery housemate is now…"

"Do any of you guys know who he is?" Oolong asked as everyone looked up at the row of portraits that was previously covered by the suspicious veil. The portrait appeared to be a man with blonde spiky hair and wearing golden-lens round sunglasses with the frames at the sides being in zigzags. Save for a red coat.

"Never seen him before…" Lupin shook his head.

"He does look kinda cute…" Mai placed in her two cents.

"He looks familiar…" Serena admitted. "But where have I seen him before…" Her thoughts were interrupted as a sound of the door is opened and she had returned…

"Well look what we have here! We got something they call 'The Surreal Times.'" Asuka informed the group as she took a seat on a couch (Since the final portrait has been revealed, everything was moved back in place.), cross-legged. As she proceeded to read the magazine-like newspaper, she noticed the rest of her housemates staring at her. "What?"

"I think you're supposed to read it out loud?" Serena informed.

"Why should I? You can read it when I'm done. Hmph!" Asuka went back to reading the magazine, but soon found it snatched from her hands. "Hey!"

Mai looked at the cover, which featured the man whose portrait they were just looking at. "The Sixty Billion Double-Dollar Man: The mysterious housemate!"

"How mysterious…" Serena commented.

"Not as in scary I hope…" Oolong remarked as Mai turned the page.

The violet-eyed blonde continued, "'Vash the Stampede a.k.a. The Humanoid Typhoon. Here are some fun facts about the mysterious sixth housemate: Fact 1) He has been given the nickname 'The Humanoid Typhoon' because of the destruction he brings wherever he goes.'"

"Destruction? Oh man…" Oolong moaned. He has had enough destruction back at West City without having to live with some guy with the nickname "Humanoid Typhoon."

"'Fact 2) On Planet Gunsmoke, Vash had a bounty of $$60,000,000,000 on his head. Fact 3) Vash was the first to be declared as 'an act of god' or 'a human disaster,' whichever you may prefer. Because of that reason the bounty was dropped. Fact 4) Vash was responsible for single-handedly destroying the cities of both July and Augusta, and leaving a hole in the fifth moon,' wherever that is…" Mai said the latter, confused about another moon existing. She didn't even know that a 2nd moon existed, let alone a fifth one.

"Vash… Now I know how I remember him." Serena stated. "I've heard throughout the universe that he has an inhumane-accurate aim with a gun, with his weapon of choice being a high-caliber silver-colored handgun." She began to wonder if and when Vash showed up, would Sailor Moon have to intervene?

"'According to Rumors, Vash is supposed to be heartless fiend and a womanizer who wouldn't think twice about shooting anyone and carries a giant boomerang?'" Mai read as she began to even try to fathom someone like Vash around them. Before finding her room, she had come to report that there were only five rooms available and that someone would have to share a room with him. Vash was reportedly a womanizer and they expected her to live with him for ten days, let alone possibly share a room with him? She didn't think so.

"That's it…" Asuka threw her hands up as she grabbed her suitcase. "It's bad enough that I have to share a house with a thief and a pig, but now I find out that I have to share a house with some outlaw who's a world-renowned killer? That's where I draw the line! To hell with this, I'm going home." As the angry redhead made her way to the door, suitcase in hand, she was stopped by the sound of the door opening, causing her to stop in fear. "Lassen Sie bitte nicht es ist ihn…(Please don't let it be him…)" She mewed as the door opened… "Lassen Sie bitte nicht es ist ihn… (Please don't let it be him…)" Spiky Blonde hair… "Ach nein… (Oh no…)" Round, golden-lens sunglasses… "Nein… (No…)" Long red coat… Asuka looked at the man who was standing before her, carrying a large bag overhead as he finally spoke…

"Hi! Are you one of my housemates?"

Asuka let out a loud scream as she ran, dropping her suitcase as she screamed, "IT'S HIM! HE'S HERE!"

"Crap, get outta the way!"

"No, you move! This is my hiding space you jerk!"

"MOVE IT MOVE IT MOVE IT!"

"Aren't we acting a bit too-"

"YOU WANNA LIVE, THEN SHUT UP AND HIDE!"

Vash had a confused look on his face as he tried to review what just happened. "…Was it something I said?" He was confused at what had just transpired as he walked around the mansion. One moment, he's trying to talk to his housemate for the next ten days, the next she's running in fear from him, and from what he heard, everyone else was as well. In truth, Vash couldn't and wouldn't blame them for acting this way, given his infamous reputation. Throughout the years, he has gotten used to being shunned by the world out of fear of what he is capable of doing to them. After all, he was responsible for the destruction of both July and Augusta. True, it wasn't him that activated the devastating Angel Arm, but it was still his arm that caused the destruction. While he did understood why they would want to distance themselves from him, even he had to push people away from him to avoid them being hurt due to the destruction that followed wherever he had gone, but it doesn't erase the fact that it still hurt him. As much as he had to push others away for their own safety, Vash couldn't stand being alone.

As Vash managed to make his way into the main room, he took a seat on a nearby easy chair to help relax a bit. The fact remained that he had five housemates and it was best for him to get to know them and them to get to know him better. However, upon reclining, he noticed something was odd about this chair.

"Huh?" Vash felt himself sinking inside of the chair instead of reclining. That was a bit suspicious. "That's odd, is something wrong with the chair. Probably broken!"

"Hey, who ya callin' broken, ya big oaf?"

Vash blinked as he looked around. "Where did the voice come from?" He jumped off the chair as he took out his gun. Could it be a housemate, or an enemy, or possibly both? "Come on out! I will shoot if you don't show yourself!"

"Oolong you idiot!" A female voice snapped in a whisper as soft as possible as, unfortunately for her, Vash turned around towards the source.

Vash looked around until he saw the portrait-filled wall. As he looked above, he saw his own portrait. "Check out that handsome face." He smiled. "Although they could've made the color of the coat a little lighter… It's just red, not crimson red."

"Well it fits you, doesn't it?" Another female voice snapped, this time louder and feistier as Vash looked towards the direction of the voice. "Uh oh…"

Vash walked over to the source of the voice, a couch, as he withdrew his gun. He extended his hand towards behind the couch, where Asuka was hiding. "It's okay, I won't hurt you." He said softy.

"The hell you won't!" The redhead snapped at the blonde. "I know all about what you done Mr. Humanoid Typhoon!"

"Oh that…" Vash sighed. "I understand why you feel resentment towards me and why you are afraid of me. Despite my true intentions and my beliefs, I had done some terrible things."

"…I-I'm not afraid of you, you jerk!" Asuka snapped. She tried to play tough, but it didn't stop the tears from coming out from her eyes. In truth, she was afraid of Vash the Stampede. Afraid of his reputation and afraid of what he might do to her, her housemates, hell anyone who happened to be nearby for that matter. She was praying that he would just go away and leave them alone. What Vash did next she did not expect! She expected to grab her by the hair, yank her from her hiding spot, anything than was he just did. Asuka's eyes went wide as she saw the silver handgun, Vash's primary weapon, dropped in front of her.

"Take it…" He said. "Without it, I assure you that I won't bring harm to you or anyone else in this house." He explained. It was true, but not completely. That silver gun was his primary weapon, and without it he couldn't use the Angel Arm. But there was still the gun that was inside of his prosthetic left arm, but he had only used it in extreme emergencies as a last resort. "I know that it won't be enough, but I hope that it will at least ease the tension that currently exists in this house."

With a sigh, Asuka thought it over. Could she really trust him? He did appear nice enough! After all, he did give his weapon to her. But for some reason, she still felt uneasy. "…Y-you know, I could shoot you with this gun you gave me right?"

"I understand that you may do that. I've already come to terms. If I were to die today, I would accept it." Vash stated. He had already completed his life-long mission and as much as he wanted to live, he was ready to accept death and die honorably.

As blue eyes stared at the silver gun, Asuka was indecisive. On one hand, she should just shoot him and do the world, hell the universe a favor and get rid of that monster. On the other hand, if he was really that kind of person in the first place, he wouldn't have tried to make peace, much less give her his own gun. Either he was really a decent guy, a complete idiot, or both. She sighed, "Okay, but if one bullet goes off, I will use this gun and kill you, got me?"

Vash nodded, "I understand." Then, he did something that shocked (read: freaked) Asuka: "So, wanna start over again?" He said in a more upbeat voice.

"What?" She blinked at the sudden change of attitude.

"This is going to be an interesting ten days…" Mai commented, coming out from her hiding spot behind the door as the rest of the cast followed suit. Oolong has changed back from the chair while Lupin was behind said chair. And Serena? She managed to somehow hide behind the large, potted plant.

"Are you sure you're not going to shoot anyone?" Oolong asked, a bit skeptical.

"Oolong!" Serena scolded the pig with a glare.

"What, I'm just asking!"

Lupin extended his hand towards the man in red. "Arsène Lupin the Third's the name! I've believe that you've already got somewhat acquainted with Oolong over there!"

"How much do you way, a ton?" Oolong winced, still remembering Vash's weight on him.

Vash shook the thief and the pig's hands as he smiled. "Nice to meet ya both! I'm Valentinez Alkalinella Xifax Sicidabohertz Gombigobilla Blue Stradivari Talentrent Pierre Andri Charton-Haymoss Ivanovici Baldeus George Doitzel Kaiser the Third!"

Mai raised an eyebrow, "Umm…I think we'll stick to 'Vash.' Anyway, I'm Mai! And please stop drooling! I have more than enough guys doing that." She said as with her hand she pushed up Vash's jaw before his tongue could come out to drool over her.

"I'm Serena, and the girl with your gun is Asuka." The blonde teen explained as the latter mentioned groaned.

"I can introduce myself!" She snapped.

"Wow… Feisty isn't she?" Vash rubbed the back of his head before picking up his bag. "So, where's my room."

At hearing this, the Gentleman Thief blinked. "Damn, I've been into that veil for so long I forgot all about that!"

"Which reminds me…" Mai proceeded to inform her housemates. "You can forget about the master bedroom. While you losers were so busy with that veil, I decided to take the room for myself."

Lupin quickly dashed upstairs as the sounds of doors opening and closing were heard. After the last door had been opened and closed… "Crap crap crap crap…"

"You snooze, you lose!" Mai turned to the rest of the housemates. "There are four rooms left, so I suggest-"

"EVERY MAN FOR HIMSELF!" Oolong yelled as everyone immediately rushed upstairs. The contest was now the first one to reach a room would have the room, and it would suck for the one who didn't have a room. At the end, here were the results: Mai, of course had the master bedroom. While Lupin, Oolong, Asuka, and Serena each found a room, Vash, surprisingly do to him being known for his quick reflexes, was left without a room. So what was he to do?

Vash shrugged, "I'll just sleep on the couch. A nice change a pace…" He then examined the blue couch as he proceeded to remove the seat cushions. It was then revealed to be an unfolding bed. While it wasn't possibly like the beds in the other rooms, it would have to do for now. With a sigh, Vash sat on the bed and opened his bag as he proceeded to unpack.

Serena walked down the stairs back to the main room as she saw Vash. "Sorry that there aren't any rooms left, but maybe someone will share a room with-" She stopped as she saw Vash unpacking his bag. "You…"

Vash smiled at Serena. "Oh that's okay! I can just sleep on the couch. It unfolds into a bed! Pretty comfortable."

"Nice to see you're okay with this." Serena replied as she took a seat next to him. "What's in the bag?"

"Oh nothing… just a few personal belongings of mine…" Vash informed as he reached into his bag. His eyes went wide at what he felt. "Huh?"

Serena blinked, "What is it?"

Vash pulled out the source of his concern: A small black cat with green eyes. "How did you get in here?" He asked the cat, who just let out a meow.

"Is she yours?" Serena asked.

"No not really. This cat just seems to follow me wherever I go somehow."

"Yeah, cats can be a bit annoying." Serena nodded. "I have one at home. She may be a bit naggy sometimes, but I love her." She then says in a low voice, "Even if she does act like she's my mom…"

After everyone was settled in their new rooms (Or in Vash's case: The Living Room), there was only one thing they could possibly do at this time of day: Have their first dinner together. Luckily for them, the house already had plenty of food inside as the Surreal Life Cast began to prepare their first meal as a "loving happy family!"

The plans for the food preparation were simple. Mai directed traffic as the rest of the cast were assigned tasks: Lupin would prepare the sauce, Serena and Asuka would prepare the chicken, and Vash would make the salad. But there was something missing… or rather some_one_…

"Hmm…" The violet-eyed blonde pondered. "Has anyone seen Oolong?"

"Odd… he was here a few minutes ago." Lupin explained as he looked at two glass containers of sauce: One red and one white. "Which one do you guys want: The white or the original?"

"Let's just keep it to the original, okay?" Asuka snapped as she sprinkled the seasoning onto the chicken. …Perhaps a bit too much from her frustration as Serena took notice.

"Careful!" The meatball-haired blonde stopped her before she could ruin the poultry. "Anyway, it would be nice for everyone to do their share and so far!"

"Speaking of those who aren't doing their parts!" Asuka glared at Mai! "I don't see _you_ lending a hand in doing anything!"

"I'm doing the hardest job of all! Making sure you guys don't screw up the food to the point of being inedible." Mai explained. In truth, she didn't like to do much work, as she usually let guys do all the work for her. Besides, she wasn't used to, let alone very fond of, following orders. Giving orders, on the other hand, and making sure everyone else do their part she could and enjoy doing.

"You could give Mr. Typhoon over there a hand with the salad. Or you could help Lupin with the sauce." Asuka informed. Already she was growing a dislike for the blonde duelist. Here she was, just standing by while everyone else was working so hard to make the dinner and she had the nerve to question where Oolong was? What a hypocrite! "But no, you just stand there trying, and I emphasize 'trying' to look pretty and worry about someone else being there. And if the piggy wiggy wiggy isn't-Huh?" She blinked as a familiar-looking pitcher that was on the counter instantly jumped off as within a poof, the humanoid pig was running out of the kitchen as if his rear just caught on fire!

"Crap, crap, crap…" He cried while running. "Where's the bathroom!" Why did that redhead had to make that noise! Every time anyone made that damned "Piggy noise" he had to… let's just say that it was best for him to be near a toilet. Damn Bulma, damn her and her damned technological curse she put on him.

"At least now we know where Oolong is." Vash smiled as he now placed in the chopped cucumbers into the large white salad bowl.

"OOLONG!" Mai shouted as she knocked on the bathroom door. "COME OUT HERE RIGHT NOW AND HELP US!"

"…It's…gonna take a few minutes." The pig replied from inside.

"Okay but don't take too long. You still have to prepare the noodles." The blonde informed with a frown. "Don't try to slack your way out of it, or I'll make sure that your ten days here will be the worse days of your life." She began to wonder, from what she just saw from him leaving the kitchen the way he did, who would be the worse of the three possible evils in the house: Vash the notorious outlaw with 60 Billion on his head, Lupin the thief who could steal your valuables within a second (Gentlemen thief or not, a spade was still a spade, and a thief was still a thief.), or Oolong who not only could abuse his "talents," but who could… let's just say that it is possible that the house could really smell like a pig. She pinched her nose, hinting the unpleasant smell. "Ew, and I can smell it, too!"

"That's what you get if you make that blasted 'piggy noise' around me."

Mai sighed, "Look, just clean yourself off. We'll finish the food."

About a good 80 minutes later, the cooking and dinner preparations were finally done as the table in the dining hall was graced with a large bowl of spaghetti with meatballs covered in tomato sauce, tossed salad, and fried leg quarters. Everyone, including Oolong, was now seated at the table as they had already begun to eat.

"…And I really like the fact that the rooms here are so big. Much larger than the rooms where I live." Asuka scoffed as she spun a few noodles from her spaghetti. "I mean how can anyone live in there and without any real beds too? Nothing like back in Germany." She sighed, "Japanese people are so weird."

Serena frowned. "Come on Asuka it's not that bad. As they say, 'don't knock it till ya try it!'"

"I've already tried it and I'm sick of it!" She took a bite out of the spaghetti. "And I have to share a house with a dork, a irresponsible guardian, and a penguin!" She then whined. "Why couldn't I have just stayed with Kaji instead?"

"Er…who?" Oolong raised an eyebrow.

"My old guardian!" Asuka explained with a hint of awe. "He's soooo dreamy!"

"You're in love with your own guardian?" Mai rolled her eyes.

"Why? Do you have a problem with that?" The redhead challenged.

"Not really…except that for that kind of relationship to work, this Kaji would be a pedophile!" Lupin reminded, "Technically you're not even old enough to drive!"

Her blue eyes glared at the theif, "So? In about two years I'll be able to marry him! After all, in Japan, a girl can marry when she's 16."

"True! I did had something beginning to start with a 16 year old boy…" Mai explained, but sighed sadly.

"And you're like, what? 24! You're no better than Asuka is in that light!" Lupin declared

The blonde's eyes narrowed at the Gentleman thief. "So what are you saying? That I'm a pedophile?"

"Well Asuka is the one trying to date an older man! You, on the other hand, admitted to having feelings for a 16 year-old boy, which is, like what, an eight-year difference! That just screams Pedo right there!" Lupin stated. It was one thing if you were dating someone who was much older than you by around 14 years while you both were adults. But as an adult dating someone who was still an adolescent? That just had to scream: "I'm a Pedo! Arrest me and lock me up for child molestation, and then I'll get anally-raped by some guy name Big Bubba!"

"Well, it is a bit hard for me in that aspect because no matter who I'd date, I could be dating an old lady and there would still be a large age difference with me being the older one." Vash admitted as he pulled the now-cleaned bone from his mouth and placed it back on the plate.

"Just how old are you anyway?" Serena asked. "50?"

"Much higher."

"Umm…60?" Serena asked a bit scared! Was Vash messing with them and playing mind games? By looking at the gunman, he didn't appear to be over 30, much less 50!

"_Much_ higher."

"Okay, this is getting ridiculous!" Mai glared, growing a bit frustrated with Vash's answers. At 40, she might have understood. But at 60 years old? Most people at that age had gray hair, assuming that they still had any left, and wrinkling skin, and here he was looking like a hunk. If what he's saying was true, then she prayed to God (Any one would be fine, Mai's not being picky in this case.) that she'd at least look half as good when she reached Vash's age, whatever that was. "Just how old are you?"

"If I'd told ya, you wouldn't believe me…"

"Try me."

"Okay, let me put it to ya this way. Long ago I met a young little girl. The next time I saw her, she was now old enough to marry and she already had made plans for us to start dating!"

"Oh man, we got another possible pedophile in this house?" Lupin exclaimed in shock. First Asuka falling in love with her guardian, then Mai having romantic feelings for a teenage boy, now Vash having a girl who could had basically been his daughter crushing on him? Was this suddenly the house of Pedophilia?

"Well back in the old days when I was still a bad guy, I used to kidnap young girls and force them to live with me!" Oolong informed, which made the Gentleman Theif…well… act not-so gentleman like.

"CHRIST, WHAT'S WITH YOU PEOPLE AND PEDOPHILIA?" He screamed. And now Oolong, too! So far, with an exception of Serena, just about everyone else in this house had pedophilic tendencies. Wait second, what if Serena… Lupin quickly turned to the blonde teen, "Serena, please tell me that you don't have a crush on some 30-something guy from you hometown or something."

"Actually Lupin, I'm actually in an on-and-off relationship with a schoolmate of mine." Serena informed, which caused a sigh of relief from the thief.

"Thank you god…" He sighed, "At least someone here's not a Pedophile!"

"And what is that supposed to mean, Lupin?" Mai glared.

"It means that she actually dates someone who's actually around her age range instead of basically going to a high school dance and use it as a pickup bar when you're over 30, Mai!"

"Oh, so now I'm over 30?"

"I never said that!"

"You implied it!"

"Oh dear…" Serena sighed as the duelist and the thief continued their argument.

Asuka crossed her arms, "They're both adults, let them work it out themselves." She said carelessly as the two adults continued to bicker.

"So much for having a peaceful dinner…" Oolong sighed.

"Say, did anyone enjoy the chicken?" Vash asked with a smile as he finished up another leg quarter. "I personally enjoyed it myself and I have to say, Asuka and Serena, that you should both cook more often!"

The three castmates just sighed at Vash's obliviousness to the situation. Lupin and Mai were already fighting over Mai's preference in her suitors, more specifically their age, and all Vash could think about is food?

'This guy's just like Goku…' Oolong thought to himself as he continued to watch the arguing couple and Vash eating.

**12:00 (Midnight)**

It was now time for bed and prepare for the next morning, as tomorrow, as they figured, would be a very busy day. With that in minded, all of the castmates except for Vash (Who would sleep on the couch.) retired for their rooms.

Lupin, having changed into a nice pair of red pinstriped pajamas, turned the lights out before slipping under the covers. Already, he was not getting along well with Mai the Pedophile! First of all, she already stole the room he, in his mind, had first dibs too! Then she was just standing around giving orders for half of the time while complaining about Oolong for not helping out. And then he finds out that she was on the verge of having a relationship with a 16 year-old boy? Not only was that was weird, but was a bit sick as well. In fact, it was weirdsick. Hopefully, things would go better tomorrow, because despite her flaws, she is a bit attractive and would be nice to get to know well.

Serena, wearing a pink oversized T-Shirt over her pink pajama bottoms climbed into bed. So far, so good! There wasn't any danger at all, even with a thief like Lupin III and an infamous Outlaw like Vash the Stampede, who's proven more to be a goofball than any threat…so far. Still, she needed to keep on her guard on those two, as they were the two biggest threats, with Lupin by default being the lesser of the two evils…


End file.
